Note from Executive Director Dennis D. Nelson:

Many thanks to a friend of Lutheran CORE for giving us a review of Eve Tushnet’s book, “Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God’s Extravagant Love.”  The reviewer finds in this book a hope-giving guide for same-sex attracted persons who seek to live lives that are faithful to the Scriptures as well as find healing from their pain as they draw near to God.  It is also a reminder to the followers of Jesus that we need to have the mind of Christ as we offer grace, encouragement, and support to people who are struggling with the issues in their lives as they seek to live lives that are faithful to God.  Here is a link to our Resources page and here is the link to the post on our website that offers resources for same-sex attracted persons as well as their pastors, church leaders, friends, and family members. 

Many Christian books have been written about LGBTQ+ concerns (homosexuality, transgenderism, etc.) from a traditionalist perspective.  Rarely, if ever, are these books written by and for members of the LGBTQ+ community, addressing their needs and concerns. 

Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God’s Extravagant Love meets the need for such a book.  The author, Eve Tushnet, is a practicing Roman Catholic who holds to a traditional sexual ethic.  Tushnet identifies as “gay”/”lesbian” (same-sex attracted); however, she lives a celibate life.  Tenderness is addressed specifically to persons who identify as “gay” or “lesbian” and/or who experience same-sex attraction.  Its aim is to help gays and lesbians to know God’s love for them, and to learn how to live faithful Christian lives, with love for God and obedience to the Church. 

Tenderness begins by acknowledging the pain that gays and lesbians have experienced.  Part I:  Hard Times details the various ways in which gays and lesbians have been needlessly harmed, both by the church (i.e., through sermons about “how the gays are destroying America”) and by the world (i.e., through “homophobic jokes”).  Tushnet affirms that holding to a traditional sexual ethic need not – and should not – result in inflicting these sorts of wounds. Tushnet also acknowledges the struggles of same-sex attracted persons who have tried and failed to eliminate their battle with same-sex attraction (i.e., “you’ve desperately prayed to become straight, night after night, often in tears”), then experienced the pain of being misunderstood and shamed for their persistent struggle with same-sex attraction.

Tushnet assures same-sex attracted persons that they aren’t alone, that their pain is not their fault, that there is hope for their healing, and – most importantly – that God loves them and cares for them.  By acknowledging their pain and by giving them hope, Tushnet takes crucial steps towards helping same-sex attracted persons to heal.  This healing, for many, is required for them to be able and willing to accept the Gospel of Jesus Christ with an open heart. 

The rest of the book provides teaching and practical help to Christian gays and lesbians.

Part II:  What If “Bad Things” Are…Good? addresses what gays and lesbians should do about not being able to have sex and/or to marry.  Drawing on St. Augustine’s concept of sin being disordered love which is in need of being rightly ordered, Tushnet explains how to rightly order “same-sex love”.  Tushnet gives the prospect of celibacy a positive outlook, challenging the notion that a celibate life is one that is condemned to loneliness, isolation, and deprivation. 

Part III:  The Church Suffering addresses the various kinds of suffering that Christian gays and lesbians endure: anger and sadness, abandonment and abuse, guilt and shame, doubts about the Christian faith, questioning the traditional sexual ethic.  Tushnet, again, assures those who have suffered in these ways that they are not alone in their suffering.  Then Tushnet guides them in the process of working through these challenging thoughts and feelings.  In so doing, Tushnet aims to help them (re)discover the beauty of the Christian life, to commit to the traditional sexual ethic with integrity, and to develop firm faith in Jesus Christ.

Part IV:  How to Know God’s Tenderness offers “specific practices or ways of thinking” which some gays and lesbians have found especially helpful.  These are meant to develop knowledge of God, trust in God’s goodness, experience of God’s love, and closeness to God. 

Tenderness provides an excellent resource for gays and lesbians who aspire to live faithfully, to heal from pain that has hurt their faith, and to draw near to God with faith.  * A note about language:  There is a dispute, among traditionalists, regarding whether or not Christians who experience same-sex attraction should identify as “gay” or “lesbian”.  Tushnet is comfortable with using these terms, but acknowledges the fact that some Christians are not, and would prefer to use alternate terms such as “same-sex attracted”.

Editor’s Note: This piece was written by a Luther Seminary student earlier this spring.

I can’t tell you what spring is like in places beyond the Midwest — I’m sure they have it but it certainly pales in comparison to the spring that we enjoy in Minnesota. Saint Anthony Park and the ever-creaky Bockman Hall were covered in snow one day this week and basked in warm sun the next. Through open windows a new breeze blows in and with it the promise of a new age. A new age not held by the chains of ice and cold but one dominated by the warmth of the sun.

It is on to this odd state of transition that I cannot help but project my own faith. We as believers live in a time of transition. We have felt the warmth of the Son but are all too familiar with the cold and death of sin. Yet just like those experiencing spring in Minnesota, we know that the days of sin are numbered. We may not know for certain what that number is but that God has assigned it.

There is a moment in early March (and yes, I am a hardy one) when we first feel the warmth that God has given us. It is a feeling unlike anything else as it brings us to the end of our reality and then on to the next. That first warm day in March announces that winter is ending and summer is soon to follow. It is a sweet promise but one that loses its meaning if we spend the rest of the season behind closed windows and in a dorm. There, away from the sun, the promise becomes stale.

I remember the moment when I first felt the warmth of Christ. It brought me to the end of my reality and onto the next. Yet it is a warmth unappreciated when it is followed by distance and silence; by greeting the new breeze with closed windows and walls. Like students in spring, we as believers must live into the warmth and not merely observe its effect through a double-paned window. We will never replace the experience of when the Son first broke the cold but we can continue to live into the promise of that which the Son brings.

How do we live in the sun in a time when winter looms so close? I really couldn’t say but certainly we must first step from our dorms and houses and into where that light shines. We know darkness because we have seen light; cold because we have felt warmth. There is wisdom in that simple pairing — now that we have known, we should know.

The snow on my window’s ledge is gone but, without any regard of my own attitudes, it may return tomorrow. Spring is a time of transition, one that aims to break us of winter and usher in a period where we need not worry about snow. Until that time, I will have to wait and celebrate the warmth as it is given — that is the reassurance that allows us to hope for summer even when winter surprises us again.

A. Nestenprest